Tonks felt, if anything, worse than ever after the scene she made in the Hospital Wing. For one thing, it had been completely the wrong place and time for her to start arguing with Remus again. Dumbledore was dead, everyone was mourning, and who knew what was going to happen next? But also, Tonks knew Remus would be even angrier with her for airing their personal business in front of so many people. She had been way over the line.

Which was why she was now outside the door to the rooms Remus was currently occupying, having given herself a day to calm down and think about things, knocking on the door to apologize.

Molly Weasley invited her to Christmas dinner at the Burrow, and Tonks politely turned her down. She was going to spend Christmas with her parents, after all, though when Molly said that Remus was in the country and would be at the Burrow, she did hesitate. Still, she didn't want to have to meet with him in such an excruciatingly public way, much as she wanted to see him and make sure he was all right.

Fortunately, Molly obligingly informed Tonks that Remus was at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, and a plan began to take shape in her mind - he would surely be in need of food, and she was just the person to bring him some.

So it was two days before Christmas Eve when Tonks Apparated to the square. The weather was miserable, dreary, wet and cold, and she couldn't imagine inside the house would be much better. It wasn't. She clutched the food parcel to herself as she undid the wards on the front door and entered the hall. It felt so empty. It matched her mood.

She headed directly for the kitchen, but didn't say anything until she was well out of earshot of that blasted portrait.

"Remus?" she called, wondering if maybe he was asleep upstairs or something. It was a big house; she might have to search for him.

No one ever said it would be easy.

There's a certain look she's always been able to give her parents, from the time she was about three, that almost guarantees she will get what she's after.

She's sixteen when Professor Snape demonstrates Amortentia to them, and she's not quite sure why it smells to her like worn books, chocolate, tea and a faint undertone of wet fur.

Hello, lovelies. Just a little note to let everyone know I am going out of town tonight. It's just overnight, but I won't have internet access tonight/all day tomorrow. I'll be back to tag and such tomorrow night.

Yeah so we had a massive internet outage yesterday, which is why I didn't tag at ALL last night. *flips off ISP*

FORTUNATELY, I'm pretty sure it's back up at home (I'm posting this from work, haven't had a chance to get online at home yet) ANNNNND I have an extended lunch today so I should be able to get caught up again.

Still, MASSIVE FAIL.

Using your auror skill on me, Dora?

"Don't need to go that far just yet. I'm using my skill as a troublemaker right now. I am related to Sirius, remember."

She glanced at the bathtub, then gave him a mischievous look, sipping her hot chocolate.

Of course, she couldn't help wincing every so often as she took her clothes off. She knew she'd have a few bruises, too.

He can argue all he wants; her answer will always be the same.

It may not ever come for her, but she'd be damned if she would let anyone take away her son's tomorrows.

She worries about him all the time, and sometimes all she worries about is whether he ever thinks about her.

The report stops her breath, and her brain feels like it's just had a good hard jolt, because ten people escaped, ten of them, all at once, the worst ten imaginable, and she can tell all the other Aurors are feeling as numb with shock as she is right now.

The way her name sounded when he said it in her ear, his voice a low whisper, made her weak in the knees and it was all she could do to stay upright as he started taking off her robes. She knew what her name meant, and usually she thought it sounded absurd to think of her being any kind of gift, but when he said her name, she knew that's exactly what he thought, and she didn't mind at all.

For the first time in a long time, she's not at a wild Halloween party; instead she's sitting at the kitchen table in #12, Grimmauld Place, passing around a bottle of firewhisky with Remus and Sirius, listening to them tell stories about James and Lily.

She doesn't pretend to be an expert on pain, though she's had far more than her fair share of bumps and bruises and injuries over the years - comes with the territory, being as clumsy as she is - but when he looks at her, his eyes so sad, and starts telling her all the reasons why they can't be together, it suddenly hurts so much inside that she can barely draw breath.

She's searching, searching, she can't stop, won't stop, until she finds what she's looking for - but when she wakes to the discomfort of the baby kicking, Remus' arms secure around her, she can't remember what was so important that she find, and she can't seem to shake a vague feeling of dread that hangs low in her belly.

She thought she ought to feel like a third wheel, the two men had so much history and so many stories, but Remus and Sirius both made such an effort to include her that she was never uncomfortable with them.